To you ever get the feeling that you are alone. I get that feeling all the time. I can be in a room of people and feel alone. I sometimes wish that was not the case. I look at people and envy them for not having to go through the struggle I deal with every day. I don’t have very many friends and the ones that I do have I keep them at a distance.
I can’t look at people and feel like I belong to anything. Even other soldiers that deal with the same things that I deal with. It makes it hard to even connect with them. I have a ticking time bomb inside me and at any moment it can explode and I don’t want to have people around me with that.
So this is why I feel like I stand alone. Having the feeling that no one understands what I’m going though. The mental battle I face every single day. It’s a struggle that I sometimes feel I can’t win. So it’s hard to live in society when you don’t feel like part of it.