Sadness

Do you ever feel like you in a play as the villain.  No matter what the choice you make it feels like its the wrong one.  I am in a constant battle in my mine with these things.  The feeling of lose, missing, and sadness.

I know it means nothing to others but I have lost a lot since I cam back from Iraq.  Friends, family, and even possibility of future friendship.  I can’t make friends because I can’t be around people.  I get irritated by people and get angry easily.  I can’t stand it because it is so lonely being this way but it’s hard to be another way.

I miss my buddy Jason who is no longer with me.  I should have been a better battle buddy for him.  I was at work in the construction field when I got the phone call that he is no longer with use.  I felt like I let him down.  I did not see the signs and the world lost a great person.  We fought side by side in Iraq and he was a great person to know.  He knew how to make a room smile with his presents.  We spent many hours on patrol, security, and just doing what an infantry soldier does.  I can say he was a person that keep you going when you didn’t feel like going over there.  I will be naming my son after him when he is born.

As you can see there is sadness in my post today.  When I think back at all has be lost.  It’s just something you can’t stop thinking about because it’s hard not to.  When these are the only things that make you sad.  You live in regret for everything and wish there was something more you could have done to stop it but there is nothing you can do know because it’s already done.  Living life like this is hard and it’s even harder when you are always stuck in you thoughts.

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